I have a question for readers and writers alike. I’m beginning my second book which spans several time periods and locations. It starts in first person, but most of the book will be in the third person. I’m thinking about putting it all into third person. Any thoughts about the two? Below is an excerpt in first person of my second book, unedited. I’m sure it will change by the time I’m finished. Any feedback is appreciated.
I ordered big fluffy pancakes and Luke opted for an omelet with cheese, a side of bacon and hash browns. Luke is over six feet tall with a muscular frame so he can afford a large meal. On the other hand, I have a small frame and the pancakes would just sit in my belly for the rest of the day. I would probably only make it through one of the pancakes, especially since I didn’t run this morning.
“Service in the Bahamas is slow,” he said gazing into my eyes.
“Can we walk along the beach while waiting,” I implored.
“Sure.” He signaled the waitress to let her know of our plans to return in a half hour.
We strolled hand in hand around the marina admiring the crystal clear turquoise water. Jellyfish pulsated in unison as they clustered in small groups. They were transparent pink with design similar to a four-leaf clover in the center, except more rounded than clover-like. Some floated upside down exposing their tentacles while taking in salt water to the rhythm of a heartbeat. So gracious. A long Barracuda swam through the jellies. Completely opposite the jellyfish’s grace, the Barracuda was clumsy and vicious looking. His smile exposed his big teeth as he seemed to stare at me.
“That Barracuda is staring at me,” I said as I gawked back.
“It’s harmless. The locals here eat them.”
We crossed over to the beach and I immediately started looking for shells, a collection hobby of mine. Most of them were just pieces of shells, but I still rummaged through hoping to find a nice souvenir from our morning stop in Bimini. The wind was lightly blowing from the southwest. As I was searching I stumbled upon a wooden statue. It stood about two feet tall and was very primitive looking. It was in good shape with only a few small barnacles clinging to the crevices in the statue. It obviously had landed in Bimini from the waves of the Atlantic Ocean.
I ran over to Luke standing near the rocks jetting into the sea.
“Look what I found,” I said, keyed up and slightly out of breath as I held up the statue.
His eyes widened. “Wow. That’s quite the find.”
I handed him the statue. “Where do you think it came from?” I asked, curious about his reply.
“Well it’s a southwest wind. So perhaps Cuba.”
I took the statue back to examine. “It doesn’t look Cuban. Look at the eyes and nose. The features are more African.” I tilted the statue forward towards Luke. “And there’s a large hole at the base of his head. Like it was attached to something.”
He glanced at the top of the statue. “Perhaps it was part of a ship or something.” He smiled. “You’re the archaeologist. Research it.”
I lightly kissed him on the lips. “Do you think breakfast is ready yet?”
“Let’s find out,” He grabbed my hand and I proudly carried the statue back to the restaurant.